Leukodermic View: 10 ways by which cosmetic companies sell time machines

Mouse embryonic stem cells. More lab photos (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The actual formula will be a secret. (Our secret (patent pending) collagen stimulant........)
A simple working principle. (peptides stimulating collagen, catalase improving melanization.)
A reference to an unrelated article from a highly reputed journal. (Rheological properties of peptides from Chemical Society Reviews, H2O2-mediated oxidative stress from Federation of American Societies for Experimental Biology.)
Anecdotal reports of extreme efficacy. The reports will include skin types of big asian markets.
Creator of the product will be a non doctor (or a PhD in ornithology), mostly a middle aged good looking lady with a sexy name. (Amanda or Catherine).
Successful animal studies. (Mice improving their looks in just one application, Chimpanzees becoming fair after one treatment)
Proclamation of research community as a bunch of goons. (Millions wasted on stem cell research while Ms. Amanda isolated stem cells from the apple in her garden that could make you immortal.)
A fictitious doctor in a posh locality saving the lives of millions. (Dr Smith in Las Vegas, Nevada has found Ms Amanda’s stem cells highly effective for her million patients.........)
Claims not in line with the proposed mechanism of action. (Amanda’s apple stimulates your T-cells thereby making your skin look young and healthy.)
Proclamation of doctors as a failed lot. (Dermatologists do not have a cure for grey hair. Your only hope is Amanda’s apple.)